Does anyone have any tricks for getting their dog to run on a treadmill? I have gotten my Weim, Pele, to do a few steps...towards a treat, but then he jumps off! With the weather, I'd really like to be able to run him inside on the treadmill! Any suggestions??

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A Veterinarian was sick and went to see the doctor.
The doctor asked him all the usual questions about symptoms etc., when he interrupted him: "Hey look, I am a Vet - *I* don't need to ask my patients all these questions. I can tell what is wrong just by looking." He added, "Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked him up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to him, and said, "There you are. ...Of course, if *that* does not work, we'll have to have you put down."

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Some foods, when consumed in large quantities by our canine kids can be deadly. But even consumed in small amounts they can be very hazardous. Here are some that should definitely be avoided:

Alcoholic beverages: I think we've all encountered someone who thinks its funny that their dog "loves beer". In small amounts, consuming any type of alcohol can result in GI irritation, central nervous system depression, tremors, difficulty breathing or panting. In large amounts, it can cause respiratory failure, acidosis, coma, and death.

Chocolate (all forms): We've heard all about it...DON"T feed the dog chocolate!! Chocolate can cause GI irritation, hyperactivity, panting, abnormal heart rhythm, tremors, seizures, and even death, depending on the amount ingested.

Fatty foods: How many times have we seen our family members give their dog the fat off their plate? Well, STOP. GI upset, and abdominal pain are the mild results. The worst case? A fatal inflammatory condition of the pancreas.

Macadamia nuts: These tasty holiday treats can produce weakness (particularly in the hind quarters), depression, vomiting, drunkeness, and tremors.

Moldy or spoiled food: I've seen my mother do it when I was a child. Clean out the fridge of the old food and give it to the dog. GI irritation, tremors, seizures, and death can result from these foods!!

Onions, Garlic, Chives: Damage to red blood cells

Potato and Tomato: The green parts cause severe GI upset, hypersalivation, drowsiness, CNS depression, dilated pupils, weakness, and slow heart rate.

Raisins/Grapes: Acute kidney failure in some dogs. Affected dogs start to vomit, drink lots of water, resulting in diarrhea, kidney failure, and death.

Salt (including foods high in salt): Sodium ion poisoning: vomiting, depression, tremors, excessive thirst, diarrhea,high body temp., seizures, and death if enough is consumed.

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Sorry girls, had to be fair!!!

10. A dog's parents will never visit you.

9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.

8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.

7. A dog never expects you to telephone.

6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.

5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.

4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.

3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.

2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.

1. A dog does not shop.

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Help Wanted

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

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How dogs and men are the same

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.

2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.

3. Both mark their territory.

4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.

5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.

7. Neither does any dishes.

8. Both fart shamelessly.

9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.

10. Both like dominance games.

11. Both are suspicious of the postman.

12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

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So does that mean that the kidneys are not working as well or are working better, or that there is just more waste in the blood, or less? I would think that there would be more waste in the kibble fed diet, considering the contaminants.

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A dog walks into a telegram office, takes out a blank form and writes, "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
"There are only nine words here," says the clerk. "You could send another 'woof' for the same price."

The dog looks at him, confused. "But that wouldn't make any sense."

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Here is what they REALLY mean!!

Noted Judge .........................He put up our dog
Respected Judge .....................He put up our dog
twice
Esteemed Judge ......................He puts up
anything that crawls
Shown Sparingly .....................Only when we had
it in the bag
Show Prospect .......................He has 4 legs, 2
eyes, 2 ears, 1 tail
Finished in 5 shows .................And 89 where he
failed to win a ribbon
He has good points...................His head is
shaped like a carrot
Won in heavy competition.............The others were
revoltingly overweight
Multiple group winner............... At 2 puppy
matches
Specialist Judge ....................Puts up anything
that looks like his own breeding
Well Balanced .......................Straight as a
stick, front and rear
Quiet gentle natured ................After 4 valiums
Excels in type and style.............However, moves
like a spider on speed
Personality Plus.....................Wakes up if you
put liver up his nose
Large boned..........................Looks like a
Clydesdale
Good bite ...........................Missed the judge,
got the steward
Lovely head..........................2 eyes, 2 ears, 1
mouth, 1 nose
Excels in movement ..................If he gets loose,
put on your running shoes
Gorgeous Coat........................If the hairspray
lasts until the class finishes
Handled brilliantly by...............Nobody else can
get near him
Won in stiff competition.............Beat 4 puppies
and a 9 year old novice dog
At stud to "approved" bitches........Those bitches
whose owners check is
"approved" by our bank
Linebred from famous champions.......Ch Whoozitz
appears twice in 6th generation
Good Obedience prospect..............Smart enough to
come in from the rain but
he's UG-LEE

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Welcome to K-9 Korner! This site is dedicated to dogs and the people they own. Discuss training, ask questions, talk about shows of all types, swap stories, share pictures, and the all important advice column, ASK BEN!! Ben is an English Mastiff who will gladly help you with all of your pup's "human issues". Your dog can ASK BEN for advice, or tips on how to handle their human!

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